Dating older men can definitely be an overwhelming proposition. At the same time though, it can be very rewarding and something that both parties can get a lot out of.
Still, there are some things about dating older men that should be taken into consideration, and I know a lot of you will be wondering about this. Beyond the obvious differences, what is there under the surface that you need to know?
For today’s post, I decided to reach out to some experts in the dating field and ask them for their tips. The three experts gave some fantastic responses and you’ll learn a lot from them.
By the time you’re done reading these tips, you’ll know exactly what you need to about dating older men.
The question I asked all three experts was as follows:
What three pieces of advice would you give somebody about dating older men?
Expert 1 – Wilma Stordahl
Wilma runs Mydatingprescription and has quite a unique story when it comes to dating. She gives great advice on her site, and has given some of it for us today below:
1. Be Appreciative – By the time a man is in his forties or fifties, there’s a good chance he’s been married and divorced. At the very least, he’s had some significant relationships. Men want to feel appreciated, and a lot of times they’ll talk about leaving a previous relationship because they didn’t feel loved and appreciated.
Make sure that if he does something nice for you that you say thank you or show your appreciation by reciprocating in some way. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a small thing like taking out the trash or changing a light bulb or a big thing like surprising you with an amazing gift on your birthday.
Have some manners and show some appreciation.
2. Be Supportive – Older men typically have established careers, busy schedules, and professional obligations to which they must attend. They may also have new goals that they want to accomplish in the latter part of their life.
Be supportive. Don’t get jealous and start pouting that he spends too much time at the office.
Understand his goals, and find ways to support, rather than sabotage, his efforts.
3. Have “No Destination” Sex – Many older men start to experience erectile dysfunction after they turn fifty, and performance anxiety is a very real thing for guys. Don’t make him feel more pressure by making a big deal out of it.
Rather than having sex with the singular goal of orgasm in mind, try having “no destination” sex.
Let the intimacy you share be more about touching, communication, and exploration. There are a lot of ways to have sex, and it doesn’t have to include penetration.
Expert 2 – Amy Guertin
Amy Guertin is a Dating Expert over at LoveToKnow.com and kindly offered her advice for us. She wrote in over 500 words, which is fantastic. It’s well worth checking out her work, and the whole of the LTK site in general.
Here’s her answer:
The concept of younger women dating older men is not new. Although it is often subconscious, the attraction stems from a strong biological perspective. Older men are attracted to younger women for reproductive reasons and younger women are attracted older men for security and stability.
The age difference, however, can cause challenges in the relationship that, if dealt with thoughtfully, can be navigated successfully.
1. Analyze the Reason for Your Relationship
One potential problem with older men, younger women relationships is that some women are looking for a father figure. These unequal relationships are fraught with problems.
When a relationship is more of a parent-child connection than a true partnership, one or both of the people involved is likely to be disappointed or hurt.
Avoid this by sitting down with your partner and writing down what each of you wants out of the relationship. Compare your lists to make sure that you are on the same page. Don’t look for someone to take care of you and check that he isn’t looking for someone to take care of.
2. Understand That You Are in Two Different Places in Your Lives
Another potential issue with a large age difference romance is that the two of you may be in different places in your lives. He may already have children whereas you have none. While you accept his children, you may want to have your own. You may be climbing the ladder of your career, while he may be planning for retirement.
This doesn’t mean that the relationship can’t work. The important thing is that you have the same goals. If your goals are similar, good communication can help you to find an agreement on how to reach those goals.
3. Assume That Sex Will Be Different
Sex with an older man is frequently different than with a younger man and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Although sometimes he will need more stimulation and take longer to reach orgasm, an older man also tends to not be in such a hurry.
He can be more sensitive to a woman’s needs.
Sex with an older man isn’t just about intercourse. Sex is about words, holding, touching, and kissing, as well as intercourse. It is about the entire experience, both physical and emotional. Sex with an older man can be more of a complete experience for a woman.
It’s Really About the Two of You
Ultimately, your relationship will be about age as much as the two of you allow it to be. Like any relationship, you were attracted to each other due to physical attraction, personality and similarities. Although an age difference can have its own challenges, every relationship has issues.
Good communication, cooperation, and sharing are the foundation for any healthy relationship. Soon, you’ll realize that age isn’t the important thing in your relationship; the love you have for one another is.
Expert 3 – Brad Paul
Brad runs Solotopia.com where he talks about being single successfully. Despite the emphasis on being “single”, he still has some fantastic dating advice.
Here’s his answer:
1. Learn about and come to understand his interests at his
2. Help him understand your interests at your particular age.
3. Avoid getting involved with men who are more than 10 years older than you. Three to eight years older is good.
More than 10 years older does not usually work well long-term, as there is too wide of a difference in life cycles and generational issues.
There’s some really fantastic advice in this article from all three experts, and I thank them so much for joining in. The running theme in all three answers was that it’s about communication, understanding, and patience.
Depending on how large the age-gap, problems will vary. As long as you understand what you’re getting into, and make sure that you both have a mutual respect and understanding for one another, there’s no reason why you can’t make a go of it.
We’d all love to hear your thoughts and help out with any further questions you might have. Leave a comment below.