For some, dating might seem too draining already having too many other things to do. From taking care of the kids, to working to even hanging out with your girls, dating might be just a burden on you. Another reason why many women choose to shy away from dating after they get divorced is that they are too scared about neglecting their other responsibilities, especially taking care of the kids.
With a bad marriage and or divorce experience, many women will not even plan on getting back to dating. Some on the other hand, will want to start dating after divorce but are unsure about the timing or even where to start.
Why do you need to start dating after a divorce?
Dating after divorce can be a mixture of emotions, some good and some not so good but either way, it will not necessarily be the same as previous dating. It is generally supposed to be an exciting experience and after a divorce, it will brighten up your life and raise your esteem to make you feel more attractive.
With the right man, it will not only make you feel happier; but younger too, bringing in more light to your life. It is a new opportunity for meeting someone really great and it is possible to balance dating with other responsibilities.
How do you know when to start dating again?
Different people begin dating at different times with the key thing being their level of confidence after divorce. If you feel you are completely at one with yourself and emotionally ready, then why not go for it?
Sometimes, although it feels like the right time to get back into dating, that gut feeling may be telling you otherwise. Do not ignore it, instead go with that gut feeling and do whatever it is you feel comfortable doing. Changing your mind at the last minute is not a bad thing as only you know what your heart really wants.
If you have spent some time such as a few years or even months without being in any relationship, then dating can be satisfying. Having been alone for some time will have enabled you to adequately find yourself.
Also, if you were really in love and are maybe still in love with your ex-husband, some period by yourself will be best to allow you to properly grieve and get over it.
Finally, you will know that you are ready to start dating when it feels right and exciting, when your ex-husband leaving you does not hurt anymore and when you feel you know what you are looking for.
Taking precautions when dating after the divorce
You now have more experience in relationship than when you were in your more youthful years but dating methods including venues and activities may be a bit foreign for you years later. With the constant advice for divorcees to take dating easy and be careful it is important to know some of the exact precautions to take when going out on your first date.
· Know the qualities you are looking for in a good guy as it will help you avert past blunders and keep you from putting up with more than you should.
· Keep your first date short despite how interesting it might be. Come prepared with a strategy to get away from the date and keep your date wanting more. Also, some conversations are a big no. Do not go into details about your ex and especially your previous sex life.
· Do not be afraid to do some research on the guy you intend to go out with. The last thing you want is a guy who has lied about who he really is as well as having hidden motives when getting into the relationship.
· On your first dates, meet in places that are easily accessible and open. Also, wear something decent and most importantly, comfortable.
If you have kids;
· The divorce will also be harder for the children so as much as possible, do not involve them in your dating life. Give them information that you know they can handle and do not rush them.
· Do not bring your date home only after the first date, especially if you have kids. Also, do not do sleepovers or even think about moving in with the new guy you are seeing.
· If you want to go on sleep overs, how long you have been dating and how serious the relationship is really matters. How old your children are, what they think about the guy as well as how the divorce has affected them will matter more.
What you need to consider before getting started
Before you go on for your first date, think about yourself and what you really want. Some of the crucial questions you need to ask yourself are whether you are really happy. What are the underlying reasons why you need to start dating and are you confident about your life especially your divorce?
It is important to realize that the joy and content you have for your life will only come from within yourself and not the new relationships you intend to make.
The other very important thing you really need to do is, establish who you really are. You might have lost yourself in the marriage such that you will need time to yourself and rediscover you.
Remember that dating after divorce will be an added task to your itinerary so you need to plan early to ensure that no responsibility is left neglected. Dating sometimes can turn out to be overwhelming so always know what your priorities are and ensure that stability in your life and the people around you remains stable.
Tips on successful dating after divorce
Take it easy. Even though you might be really interested in a guy, there is no reason to be in a rush. The relationship will still work out and with higher success if you take it slow. Do not jump into it because of the desperation to have a man in your life. Also, dating should not be because everyone expects you to do it.
Go out only because you feel you want to and are completely comfortable doing it at the particular time.
Take it as a fresh start. All men are different so do not expect that your next relationship will be as good or just as bad as the previous one. Who knows, maybe you will end up dating a divorced man yourself.
Take dating as a new page and give the guy a chance but do not be too accommodating or too judgmental.
This is also a new opportunity so do not just go with the same type of men you used to go out with. Take advantage of the second chance and take more risks.