People have become so blinded in Hollywood movies that they have unrealistic expectations, especially when finding “The One“. This is why a lot of people complain about heartbreaks and share the same feeling about relationships. One common question you’d hear is “Why is dating so hard?”
In this modern era, commitment seems to be non-existent anymore. Being in a relationship looks like a challenge in every step.
Some people blame it on the technology, while others blame it on how the opposite sex approach dating. But here’s one absolute fact that affects social relationships: for the first time in history, people have tons of choices available to them.
Why Is Dating So Hard?
Don’t blame yourself if you can’t find true love. Dating today is just really hard especially for people who want something real and meaningful. The following reasons are based on facts:
1. Technology Gives People Unlimited Partner Options
Technology is the number one factor that makes dating hard. It gives people a chance to meet different people from all over the world through social networking sites and dating apps. Therefore, people have so many choices for potential partners, and that could be a good and a bad thing.
As psychologists refer to it, the paradox of choice is the drawback of having so many options. It often causes mental and emotional challenges when finding the right person. To make it less complicated, you need specific emotional and mental strategies to identify the best choice.
In the past, people spend more time to know more about a potential partner. They do not quickly turn down a person because of bad habits probably due to the current situations.
Today, people evaluate each other immediately. He has lazy eyes; she doesn’t like it. She arrived late; he judges her as disrespectful.
Once you turn down a potential long-term partner, you go back to the dating site. You swipe again to find that perfect person, and that boils down to the second reason.
2. People Have High Expectations for a Romantic Partner
Dating sites market “perfect” love and movies portray an unrealistic ideal man or woman. The media portray an ideal romance, a perfect beauty, and a super happy life. Thus, people have unrealistic expectations of the opposite sex and romantic relationships.
In addition to that, the notion of being happy in a relationship is somewhat new. In the past, cavemen and cavewomen got into relationships without thinking about their own happiness. They shared a common goal: to have babies and continue their genetic offspring.
Since the concept of being happy is relatively new, people are not usually good at it. Combined with how media portray love, we have extreme expectations that are actually unreachable.
3. With More Partner Options, Rejection Is Easier
When you have tons of partner choices in the online world, you can deal with rejection efficiently. Dumped by a person you like? It’s alright; you move on to the next. Do you want to dump someone? Just send him or her a text message.
4. A Vague Term Coins Dating
Today, the word “dating” is often replaced by “hanging out” which could be the vaguest term in the urban dictionary. You binge-watch Netflix together or constantly go out for some dinner or lunch, but you call it just hanging out. Well, this term could have different meanings: being friends, exclusively dating, or keeping your options open.
No one knows your real status, and you couldn’t dare to ask because it might be too early or you are afraid of the answer. So what you do is to guess the right approach to your current situation and hope that it will be the right one.
5. There Are Actually Players in the Dating Scene
Sometimes we meet someone to whom we share our desire to have a real relationship. Then this person moves in to shower you with flowery words and promises of long-lasting love.
We believe them, but only to find out they are using us for sex or as a rebound. From then on, we become doubtful of the next potential partners we meet.
6. This Is a Generation of Skeptics
Most relationships fail. In fact, half of the marriages around the world end in divorce. We have witnessed or even personally experienced in our own families that love is temporary.
This generation has formed a depressing thought about love that pushes people away from developing real, meaningful romantic relationships. As a consequence, people would rather stay away from serious relationships rather than risk to break their hearts. This is the reason why good men and women are seen as players or afraid of commitment.
7. We Can’t Rush Real Love
In a technologically-equipped world where almost everything happens instantly, we are used to getting what we want immediately. This is an advantage for people who are looking for casual flings. However, for people who wish to have a long-term relationship, this is not the proper mindset.
Love is something that is not forced or rushed. It should be treated like a plant that grows and becomes stronger. Unfortunately, no one knows how much patience and effort we should put in it.
Why Do Men and Woman Have Different Approach to Dating?
The psychology of evolution explains that humans date to find a potential mate. They wanted to pass on their genetic offspring to the future generation. Men and women do it differently, which is also another reason why is dating so hard.
Some men tend to date more than one woman at once, while some women are very hesitant to go out with a guy. For men, producing an offspring is more straightforward than for women.
For women, it requires nine months of terms and other substantial emotional, physical, and financial investments. There are another set of reasons why do guys date more than one woman. Dating is really complicated, isn’t it?
Both men and women tend to focus on their physical appearance when trying to find “The One“. The real problem actually lies beyond the looks and human emotions. We have come to the present that changed the dating game or relationships into something really challenging.
The reasons mentioned above are based on facts. Although it seems like we couldn’t change the present, we could preserve our mindsets and beliefs. As long as we remain true to ourselves and be patient enough, real love can happen.